Tired of your man’s soft package? Think outside the box and read this…

In General Nonsense on January 21, 2010 at 4:46 pm

If you’d rather look the other way – if you’d rather confuse your own wishes and personal beliefs with actual reality – and if you’d rather assume that what I’m about to tell you is nonsense – than go away. Don’t read this article and continue on with either one of two things:

1. Your man’s soft package
2. The infidelity of your temporary marriage (or relationship) because you WILL eventually get caught cheating on him with the guy who thinks you’re beautiful because you’re “new” and “different” (which won’t last forever either)…

Now let’s get on with it…

Most men do NOT need Viagra, Cialis, Levitra – or whatever else is out there for erectile disfunction. Some do for legitimate reasons. They can be psychological – or in most cases, physiological. More often than not, your man just needs a boost in testosterone – which is easily covered with TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) – which has less side effects than any of the chemicals I mentioned in the first sentence.

What you need is HOTNESS. Yeah, go ahead. Go away. Stop reading now.. Fatty.. You don’t actually NEED to be HOT. But I’ll get to that in a minute… In case you don’t know this yet – men are EXTREMELY visual beings. We don’t get turned on by things like you do.. A passionate kiss on television. A love story/novel. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada… Does this make us “bad” or “wrong”? No. We’re simply “different”. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Right?

The problem with your man is not ALL his fault. At least PART of the problem is – you’re not hot anymore. Maybe you never were. If not, than you’re not “new” or attractive anymore. He’s not turned ON anymore. In order for a man and a woman to have good sex, the man needs a hard erection. Understand? Without the erection, there is no sex. Period.

One of your requirements to “perform” during sexual intercourse is lubrication. But you can get that from an outside source. Once you’re lubed, you can at least have half-way decent sex even if you’re not in the mood. But if a GUY isn’t in the mood – it’s over before it began. “But what about Viagra?!”, you shout out! WRONG. It doesn’t always work. More often than not, the guy still needs to be turned on to get an erection and maintain it. And more often than you think, these prescription drugs don’t work at all.

“So what do I have to do then?”, you ask…. Get OFF the FUCKING COUCH, STOP eating the FUCKING BON BONS and get to the GYM. Is it ANY WONDER AT ALL that your man isn’t getting ROCK HARD looking at your fat, flabby body? Remember, men are VERY visual beings. The equivalent to your hot, steamy romance novel or passionate kissing scene in the movies is simply a sexually attractive woman. We’re MEN. Remember? Dogs.. Cavemen.. This is what we are.. But if you’d rather ignore that, than like I said, deal with one of the two scenarios I pointed out in the beginning. Or go “the other way”. Women might do ya better…

Get to the gym and WORK at it. It’s not easy. You have to sweat (ew! icky! no way! omg!). If it were easy, everyone would be in good shape. You don’t have to be perfect – or even NEAR perfect. Just get attractive again. DRESS the part. Wear sexy clothing! Lingerie! But don’t assume that you’re going to run to Victoria’s Secret, buy a bunch of shit, FLAB it on and have two boners for the price of one in stiffness. You have to look at least half way decent. Or don’t…… If you’re NOT attractive and you’re NOT going to get in shape, you still have hope.. You NEED to BE S-E-X.

Go to a strip club and watch what strippers do. If you’re not in good shape – or even very attractive – than you absolutely MUST be DRIPPING – NO – SQUIRTING with SEX appeal. And once you get going, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST KEEP YOUR MAIN ENGAGED! Don’t just sit there like a lump of flesh on a fucking log. DO SOMETHING. Grab him. Play with him. Grab his damn cock! Make him believe that you ACTUALLY LIKE “man”. He’ll be INTO that. And he’ll respond accordingly. But for God’s sake don’t just lie there, let him do all the work and assume that just because you’re a human being with breasts and a vagina your job was completed at birth!

We see sexy women all day long. And we see them naked a fair portion of the time as well. Hell, every movie these days has a naked woman in it. If we’re not browsing porn we’re seeing it posted online somewhere or in spam email. If you really think that YOU NAKED just sitting there – something your man sees DAY IN and DAY OUT is STILL turning him on – you’re sadly mistaken. A woman needs to be erotic – not static.

If you DO NOT like “men” for more than just the fact that their penis goes in your hole, forget about it. You’re finished. If your attitude towards sex is, “oh my God, Becky, balls are disgusting”, than you’re a lost cause. And sex is dirty. Are you uncomfortable with “sweat” during sex? FORGET about other bodily fluids.. If you can’t give a blow job because you can’t get over how disgusting it is, than again, you’re finished. You need to be with women. If sex with a man does NOT turn you on (enough to pretty much do anything) in the heat of the moment, than you’re not really attracted to men. It’s really as simple as that. Think hard.. Concentrate.. You’re more attracted to women. But don’t worry, it’s “cool” to be gay these days.. Have a ball (or don’t)…

I completely understand why many of you women have trouble with the male anatomy. It’s disgusting! I’m with you there! I feel your pain. But if during the heat of the moment you don’t feel differently, than you’re barking up the wrong tree.. I’ve been with women who LOVE men – and I’ve been with women who LIKE men. There’s a tremendous, tremendous difference… Sex with a woman who LOVES men is HOT. Sex with a woman who LIKES men SUCKS. It’s a CHORE. A JOB…

Don’t believe me? Think your husband just has a soft dick because he’s getting old or has somehow become less of a man? God, you’re naive.. Take him to a strip club and watch… If his dick doesn’t get hard as a rock, he’s either gay or he’s entered male menopause. At least with male menopause, he can get testosterone replacement therapy and/or a prescription to help with his erectile disfunction.

Do you ever find yourself asking (yourself), “Does he not find THIS appealing?” while you’re looking in the mirror? DO YOU find yourself appealing? Maybe you have a distorted idea of what’s visually appealing to men. Do YOU want to see a woman that looks like YOU half naked in a magazine? Or would you prefer to see something else? This is all very shallow, I know – but this is life. HUMANS are shallow.

If you had the opportunity to hire someone to fill a position within your office and two men were equally qualified for the job – who’d you pick? The one you found attractive or the one you found unattractive? No need to answer my rhetorical question – you’re just as shallow as everyone else. You’re human.

Another harsh reality to do with men and sex is we get tired of having sex with the same woman. For us, sex is not emotional. It’s physical. Don’t believe me? “But my husband says…” Nonsense! NAIVE! Do you like watching the same NON-FAVORITE* fucking movie over and over and over and over and over again? Well that’s how it is for us when we’re having sex with the same woman over and over and over and over again – year after year after year after year – and the movie is getting worse and worse because the clarity of the video (remember! we’re visual!) is becoming distorted and breaking down.. Try THAT on for a stiff erection.

* I say “non-favorite” because you probably DO like watching your favorite romance movie over and over again. Well, figure out who your man’s DREAM girl is, and there you have the equivalent of your favorite movie. Yes, your man will do HER over and over again. Trust me, you’re not his dream girl…

Anyway.. Since there’s little you can do about aging – SPICE IT THE FUCK UP! Like I said earlier on – be sexual and seductive. THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB during sex. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad. It’s the way it is. “Oh, screw that! I don’t have a JOB while I’m having sex!”. YES YOU DO. If staying HARD and “performing” for an hour is OUR job, than it’s YOUR job to keep us interested in staying employed… We don’t masturbate for an hour like you do. We can reach orgasm very easily. We don’t want to “make love all night long” like it says in that stupid R&B song you like. Most of us have one orgasm per session of sex and we’re finished. We don’t need any more. We “get it up again” as a favor to you…

It’s our job to keep pumping and pumping and pumping while we’re thinking about baseball to avoid having an orgasm and then make sure we switch back to our favorite pin-up girl to make sure we don’t go soft. And then we can keep pumping and pumping and pumping until you eventually come around and have an orgasm.. Sex, just like relationships, is work. Do your job and stay in shape so we can do ours and stay hard. If it were as easy as wiping on some lube to keep us erect while we’re bored, life would be easy. But who ever said life was easy?


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